Chronicles of Senior Year---one month down!

School started one month ago today! I can't believe it has already been a month.

In JUST ONE MONTH--
We have had the football Jamboree, and 3 season games.
(we are up 2-1, by the way!)

All of those have included a breakfast that morning.
One pep rally.

We have been to an Honors College banquet for the University of Alabama!!

He received his admission letter to the University of Alabama.

He received his first scholarship offer (praise the Lord!)

We have ordered his "traditional" invitations, all of his Senior Class of 2013 garb :)

We have submitted one scholarship application.

and what else?


And meanwhile, Chap has started running Cross Country. He has had two meets and another coming up this weekend.

He's had a few basketball practices in the the mix.

And he was the famous Emmit, the Panther at the first season Home Game!

All in all, we have had quite a busy 30 days, and wow! Time does zoom!

Please. Please. Let us stop...long enough to enjoy it!

I wrote love on my arm....

The sad truth is, as a sixth grader, suicide hurt me.

The thought that my Papa didn't feel like I loved him enough...to stick around. It hurt me so deep.

As an adult, I know is wasn't *me* that he was running from, and I know it wasn't *me* that didn't love him enough. But, somehow, it still makes me think, that maybe he just needed a little more love.

Or he just needed a reminder, that whatever it was, that was hurting him so deep in his heart, he could get through it. And in a day or so, he would be glad he didn't give up.

But, sadly. He did give up.

He lost his will to fight.

He let go.

And, he ended his own life. And today, that still hurts my heart.

I wish he could've met my kids. I wish they could've loved him.

I wish they could've sat on his porch,in that lawn chair, and enjoyed that big back yard with him.

I wish they could've held his hand like I did.

I wish they could've seen his endless stash of Izod clothes and socks.

Oh the izod socks.

So many things that suicide took away from us all.

So, today. I write love on my arms.

And I am posting it here, and twitter, and facebook.

And I hope that if someone that I love sees this, it will BURN this image into their heart, so that when you think you want to give up. You won't do it.

 

 

Haters are a part of the process....

It seems that lately, I am in an effort to refocus myself, and the relationships that surround me, and that I find myself engulfed in, and those that I find myself in a state of constant people-pleasing, and always-on....

and we all know how much I love my girl, Oprah.

Well, I am also very fond of TD Jakes. What a wise, wise man, with such a knack for speaking the truth, with a go-ahead fashion.

"Haters are a part of the process", he says. And I so very much love the part about finding your relationships in a non-public forum.

The world doesn't understand me. The world doesn't "get" me, and truth be known, the world doesn't care.

Just those few that I hold near and dear.
And I guess with age, and with life experiences, those have even lessened.

So, catch this segment, from Oprah's life class. I am mostly blogging it, so that I can refer back to it, on days when I need it.

Exclusive Webisode: Bishop T.D. Jakes on People-Pleasing

During the commercial break, Oprah talks about why many women struggle with what she calls the disease to please. Find out how Bishop T.D. Jakes advises you move forward and live with those who may try to hold you back.

Passing the torch...

 I could almost get teary-eyed looking at this photo.

This was taken at Graduation, 2012.

Graduation when the sweet Brady was graduating, and my dear friend, and fellow Panther Mom, Wendy, would be sending her sweet guy off on a new adventure.

What a great, fine young man she has in Brady, and in his big brother, Brett.

Throughout the past several years, I have looked to Wendy for advice. For words of wisdom. For sweet encouragement, or just for a little bit of glitter, as she too knows what it is like to live in a house of 3 guys, lots of stinky clothes, girlfriends taking away their time, many many trips to the grocery store to restock, but lots of hugs and snuggles too.

I can't even count the times that I have listened to every piece of advice she has to offer, listened so intently, because I knew she had already traveled the path I was wrangling my way through at the time.

I have cried many tears to her, and she has been so gut-straight honest.

And so, it brings me to this.

These Panther earrings.

She brought them to me at graduation, the official night that Mason becomes a Senior, and she "passed the torch" to me.

Oh, my goodness. Even now, it just put a lump in my belly!

The pressure!

She passed these to me, as I still have several years to go in the Panther Stands.

Oh, sweet Wendy. I treasure them so, and I thank you for loving me as much as you have in these past years. I can only hope that my two sweet guys turn out half as wonderful as yours.
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So, I knew that I had to wear them to the games, so I added the Panther to my necklace!

And I am so very much in love with it! I can't wait to sport it at every game!

And I don't regret it one bit....

So, here's the whole story. From the beginning.

Let's go back a bit...

It started back in March.

I was invited to an Awards event. For work.

Now, the thing you must know, is that I was crazy, crazy honored. Just to be asked to attend. Much less to realize that it was an award, to recognize my achievement as a "professional".

Scott always says "numbers are how you measure the success of something"----and that is him speaking from a work perspective, not necessarily a life perspective.

So, this particular award, is a "numbers" award. An award to recognize my achievement as an Authorized Disney Vacation Planner, something that I feel like I have worked very hard to achieve at Main Street Memories.

If I look back on my life, I have achieved many, many, many things.
I have taught both of my kids to read.
I have taught both of them to tie their shoes (even though I am left handed and they are right)
I sang that "color songs" with both of my boys, and helped them learn their colors at the crisp, young age of 5.
I was there, when my 3rd grader won the "Trash Art" project, because I helped him think outside of the box.
I have seen both of my children get their SAT grades, and just marvel at their scores, and how they measure up. And that, I feel like it was an achievement.
 Both of my children were tapped into the Beta Club. Achievement.
I was there when both of my boys asked Jesus into their heart, to be their Lord and Savior.
----You see, this list goes on and on and on.

But, truly, nothing that I would say is considered "success" in the eyes of the world.

Anyways, moving on.

So, I was invited to attend this event.

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And then, July 3rd, I qualified to run for Board of Education.

And I knew that day, that I would be out of town.

YES!!!!!! GASP!!!!!!! Out of town on the day of the election!!

And so, that brings me to today.

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For the last few days, truly, I have been a bundle of nerves.

We landed in Hawaii---oh wait! Did I fail to mention that my "work event" was in Hawaii. Yes, it is.
At Disney's Aulani Resort and Spa.

So, anyways, we landed in Hawaii on Saturday, after a BEAST of a 9+ hour, direct flight.

 Yes, we look tired. I know. It's ok.

We received a "lei greeting" as soon as we stepped off of the plane.

We did a little chill that night, and then the next morning, I woke up to this:

 

Don't hate. It's ok. This was my balcony view. And honestly, I was humbled at the opportunity.

So, ok, let's get back to this election.  So, Monday, I totally struggled. And truthfully, I might have made the people around me miserable, as I just couldn't get my emotions in check. And I just couldn't decide if I was supposed to feel guilty for being here, or guilty for not being there, or just happy to be here or what?

And so, then this morning (Tuesday) yes, that's right. I had breakfast with this guy! Hallelujah.

It is like all of stars were in perfect alignment, and I felt safe and at home. 

Seriously, crazy, I know. And not too many people "get it" but really, I needed some of the Mouse in my life today.

  

So, then, as the day goes on, the nerves start to rumble inside of me. And I just had to come to peace with it. And just know, and just remind myself over and over, that the truth of it is that God already knows the outcome.

God has a plan. And no matter the outcome of these votes, He is in control. Thankfully.

And so, it came. 2pm. (well, 2pm here was 7pm at home) and then 2:30 and then 2:40....and I honestly felt like I was going to internally combust.

Poor Susie for having to deal with me thru all of this.

Anyways, and so the results came, and they weren't as I had hoped.

And well, as much as I wanna say that "yay, it's ok" and "oh, it's fine" and blah blah blah. The truth is, I'm kinda sad about the whole thing. 

And I'm not really sad because the other guy won, I think I'm just sad because I know that I woulda gave it my whole heart. And I know that I woulda been the very very best me that I could be. And, I honestly know how bad I wanted it, so that I could help make things great.

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But, in the end. Now, about 5 hours later, here's where I am.

It's ok. 

I don't regret it all one bit.

Could I have done more? Yes. But, I spent the other day making cupcakes with Chap, and I don't regret NOT going door-to-door at that time.

Could I have bought yard signs? Yes. But we went to Walt Disney World for a family vacation this summer. And I don't regret spending that money instead.

Could I have been at the Civic Center today? Yes. But, I don't regret being here at "work" in Hawaii, feeling accomplished for something that I have worked very hard it.

So, I guess all in all, I just needed to get it all out.

Here it is.

I'm in Hawaii.

And I'm so very thankful for the people that voted for me, and believed in me.

But, I am also thankful that God has afforded me some other opportunities too.

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Oh, and then I got a little FaceTime from these three guys. And they all three just wanted to let me know that they were sorry that I lost, and they are proud of me just the same.

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And so to end the conversation Chap says "and Mom, look on the bright side...you lost...but you're in Hawaii"

That kid speaks the truth!

My rear view...

I was ok.
No really. I was.
He hugged me. I wished him a great day. I took lots of pictures. And they both let me.

No arguing. No complaining. They know me. They "get" me.

And Chap and I got in my car. And he got in his. And as we approached the high school. I got a big lump in my throat. Knowing that I wasn't dropping him off for this monumental day.
Day one. Senior year.

And then.
I glanced in my rear view. And I spotted him.
All on his own.
And man.....
It got me.

Like such a perfect picture.
He's growing up. He's gaining independence. And isn't that what I had hoped for.
Isn't this what you spend those early years doing? Teaching lessons of independence.
But then. In my rear view.
So very appropriate.
It was like I saw it all in a glance. All in my rear view.
Kindergarten. And Mrs Whitten. And tying shoes. And learning letters. And making school projects. And junior high. And field days. And lunch boxes.
There it all is.
All wrapped up in that white Ford Explorer.
Goodness I'm so thankful for the sweet guy he is. And how much he loves me, and loves Jesus, and loves life in his own quiet way.
But as I watched him zip into that parking lot, it was more than I could take.
Praying. With all that is within me, for the best year ever.

Oreo love