Day 21

I write this at 8:30pm. On day 21. 

Day 21 of no solid food. 

My body can't process food. 

That's all I know. 

I don't know why. 

It's just painful. 

Painful. 

I literally can't even put into words where I'm at right now, mentally. 

On an island. 

In a funk. 

Not ok. 

All of these things. 

I'm not typically a "sad story" kinda girl. 

But this is ridiculous. 

Breakfast comes around 8am. Every morning. 

1/4 cup of Steel Cut oats. 

My only true meal of the day. 

It's the only good that doesn't hurt. 

Lunch is a protein shake. 

Dinner is either chicken noodle soup (hold the noodles) or a spoonful of Jif creamy peanut butter. 

I'm not kidding. 

Day 21. 

And no one other than me, is alarmed by this. 

I went to target on Tuesday. And it was a struggle. A weak. Out of breath struggle. 

It's not ok.  

Currently, my case is "under review" at UAB and the Dr's are puzzled. 

All tests return clear. 

So....there's nothing wrong?! 

It's not ok. 

So, I've tried to remain "glass half full" but at the end of today.  

I'm empty. 

I'm done. 

I can't call them one more time. To only have them say "we will call you when we know something" 

I can't have another test find, more blood drawn, and have them say "all tests are clear". 

I can't. 

It's a mental defeat. 

I'm done. 

Maybe, tomorrow will bring something. 

Anything.