Tuesday, December 15, 2009

10 years of us! What a day!

Let me set the scene:

10 years ago....on bed rest. 9 weeks into my bed rest. Total misery.

Looking back now, I wish I had just laid there, and soaked it all in, instead of stressing about all that I could NOT do. I wish I had treasured every kick, and every rumble. I wish I had let Mason lay there with me more, and feel his new little brother move in my belly.....just one more time. If I could get those moments back, God knows I would!

I was NOT mentally recovered from losing Elijah. I was so scared about losing this baby, too. Every contraction...way too early. Every late night run to the doctor. I was scared. Not just scared, but TERRIFIED. Please, God. You know I can't handle this twice.

I was NOT yet recovered from the mental trauma of the house fire. Sometimes, laying on the couch, I could still get a quick smell of that smoke. Maybe from the walls, or just from the air moving throughout the house.

Still today, I am so fire-phobic, it is ridiculous.

So, those weeks of bedrest....just pure mental overload. On the meds, that make me crazy, but I am not supposed to move. What kind of a sick joke is that!

I digress.

So, on this particular Wednesday, I knew. I just knew. I could feel him moving, strong. I could feel each kick...powerful. My back hurt. Not like normal. Even my hair hurt. Everything.

I called my mom. I called my mother-in-law. Today is the day. They both told me to pack, get ready, and they would too!

So, off we go. Meeting Scott in Bham.

It's for real. We are about to do this! Amazing.

Happy tears come now, just thinking about how excited I was. We made it! He made it!

And, it feels like it all happened so fast.

Prepped for surgery. and ready to go! Scott made it just in time, sporting his Coca-Cola shirt (seems only fitting now!).

Kristin was there, Kendall was there. All was complete. We can go!

And, off we went.

What a glorious day. I remember, the minute he was born, and I heard Scott telling him Happy Birthday.....he was crying, I was crying. I remember thinking, this is what I have dreamed of my whole life. A complete family. And, here we are. 4 of us. The Smiths.

Goodness, life has never been the same. I am so thankful for December 15,1999.

I cannot imagine life without Chapman. I wondered why, oh why, God took Elijah from us. I laid there on that couch, angry, and frustrated, and feeling so wronged.

But, the moment I held that sweet little Chapman, in his red Santa hat.....I knew. I knew. Elijah, he was precious, but this Chapman. My goodness.

Thank you Lord for your grace, and all-knowing self. I am so glad that you go by YOUR plans and NOT mine!!!

Happy 10th Birthday Chappy!!!


Lisa said...

You are awesome!!! Happy BIRTH day to you!!

Brooke said...

WOW!!! Thanks for sharing B. I am rejoicing with you over God's goodness, grace and perfect plan. Much love and many more celebrations together.

Virginia said...

i love you friend. thank you for sharing your heart!!!!

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