9 years ago?! Really!

9 years ago today.

Wow.

This is not a sad post. Nor is it a "gloom and doom" day here, but just a day that makes us all remember.

I was in the wild throws of planning Mason's Outdoor Camping Extravaganza of a birthday party! He was about to be 6. I can see it all so clear in my mind.

The campfire birthday cake made with a chocolate cake and pretzel rods on the top to be the logs, and then, I melted jolly ranchers to make the flames. Straight out of Family Fun magazine. It was so awesome.

I don't have one. single. picture.

The "burgers" were made.

Red icing in the ketchup bottle.
Yellow icicing in the mustard bottle.
The buns were made from a yellow cake mix, poured into empty (and cleaned) Tuna cans, that Kendall and I had been saving like mad!

The burgers were made from brownies, baked in a jelly roll pan, then cut to size with yet another Tuna can.
The were spectacular.

I don't have a single picture.

The cooler was full---and I MEAN FULL--- of capri suns.

3 full family size tents were already pitched in the back yard.

Canteens were bought with 24 kids names paint-penned-and-dotted on them.

I don't know what even happened to those canteens. And, no, there is no picture.


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That party never came to be. All of that, laid still on my kitchen counter for days.

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I remember so clearly...."have you heard from Kendall?"
"we think there's been an accident"
"go get the babies"
"something's wrong"
"can you call Kendall"
me "can I speak to Kendall" her work "um.....Brittney.....hold on..." never returned to the phone.
panic.
confusion.

screaming.crying.complete and total shock and disbelief.

It is so clear. Like it was yesterday. Or even, just seconds ago.

How can this be nine years.

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Life, as we all had planned, has never returned to the same, but God, in His all sufficient grace, has proven Himself once again.

And, so today, as I reflect on my panic, and the blank stare of the moments of those days ahead of us, I can also reflect on 9 years.

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I lost my best friend.
I lost my scrabook buddy.
I lost my Mason's Aunt Kendall. Oh he loved her so much. She was so gentle. So kind with her words.
My husband lost his only sibling.
He lost his biggest fan.
His cheerleader for life.

So many people lost that day.
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But, geez, God won an angel. A treasure.

My sweet precious Elijah got his Aunt Kendall. She wanted to love on him so badly. Dang her :)

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I could go back and forth.
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But, 9 years ago, so many things in life changed, and God has had a plan, even in the tears.

I gained a new sister-in-law.
My boys have a new Aunt. One that they love so much, and she loves them, with no doubt in my mind.

I gained 2 nieces, that I cannot imagine life without. The first time I held Macy, I knew I wanted to hug her forever. I was there, in the room when Alora was born. What a joy. Pure joy.

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Yes, I could go on and on. But, I won't.

9 years ago, today, life stopped. changed. and then moved again. I thought it was so close to over.

But, God. Oh. Just God.

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So, today, I am thankful for Kendall, and so sad that she is not here today, to have some of the fun that life offers me...with me...but I know that God is moving every single day in our lives, and I know that His plan is way better than mine.

So, thank you Jesus, for the reminder that your ways are much higher! And, oh Keni....if you were only a blog reader..you would know just how much I love you :)


****And, btw, if you are still reading.....when we cleaned out her purse from the accident....we found a tuna can in there :)