Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Like sands thru the hourglass...

This is not a post for a Soap Opera.

This is a post about this guy. The 16 year old. The Junior in High School.

I can't even believe where I am today.

I look at this picture, and to use the word "surreal" doesn't even begin to capture the magnitude of my emotions.

This guy.

I have this joy, this overwhelming, almost breathtaking joy, just looking a him.

Don't get me wrong, some days he acts like an idiot. And some days, I could punch him in the face. For doing something stupid.

But, to be quite honest, some days it literally takes my breath. At the love I have for him. And the way that I look at him. And I am so incredibly proud of the man he is becoming.

He is not that little boy anymore.

The little boy that LOVED to throw the ball. The little boy that had a skip in his step like I had never seen. The little boy that loved his mama so much. And I never knew that existed.

That little boy has slowly, and very gradually, turned into this young man, that has a heart, and a spirit of gentleness that I simply can't explain.

I love watching him get the door for a lady as we walk into the post office. I love the way he looks at his girlfriend when she is being so very silly. And he smiles, that smile, that I know it runs so deep inside of him.

I love watching him run the basketball down the court, with his tongue stuck out, because he does that when he focuses.

I love watching him laugh at Disney shows, because he sits on the couch with his little brother. I love how they sit in the backseat of the car, and share a set of earphones, because his little brother is typically too irresponsible to remember to bring a set of his own. I love that.

But, the thing about it is.....that ironically, this growing process happened so.very.gradually, that you never really saw it going from one phase to the next. And now BAM. There it is. He is a man.

But---it seems like I am watching him, like sands thru the hourglass...and he is slipping away...and oh how I do see that. I see it SO VERY FAST...and it's like there's nothing I can do to slow it down. Nothing about it is gradual.

So, as this year begins, and we step into what is called "Senior"...well, I know there will be tears. And I know it will hurt in my gut.

But, I also know that I can cry later, or at night. When he is all tucked in.

So, my plan, and my heart's cry, is to hold on. Clear my eyes. Look up. With a head held high. And embrace each second of this journey.

I want to watch him walk proudly. Play Strong. Study hard. Focus. Dream. And begin to see all that his future holds in store for him.

So, my mental seatbelt is buckled. It looks like it's gonna be a wild we go.......

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